Tucker Max is Fuck n Funny!
We really mean it. He has a new move that is being released this week, I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell.
His book by the same name has been a best seller for three years now! Max is laugh out loud fuck n funny, piss your pants fuck n funny. He gets it. A lot.
Give us your opinion on our video's. To quote his website TuckerMax.com , " If you live outside the US and are desperate to see the movie and can’t find the release date in your country, then just pirate the movie and watch it online. I am serious. I have no issue with that."...Tucker Max, now he's fuck n funny.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Good Date Manners
>During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to
> teach good manners, asked her students the following
> question:
>
> 'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice
> young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the
> bathroom?'
>
> Michael said, 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'
> The teacher responded by saying, 'That would be rude and
> impolite.'
>
> 'What about you, Sherman, how would you say it?'
>
> Sherman said, 'I am sorry ,but I really need to go to
the bathroom. I'll be right back..'
> 'That's better, but it's still not very nice to
> say the word bathroom at the dinner table.'
>
> 'And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain
> for once and show us your good manners?'
>
> 'I would say, 'Darling, may I please be excused for
a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear
friend of mine, to whom I hope to introduce you to after
>dinner.''
>
> The teacher fainted.
> teach good manners, asked her students the following
> question:
>
> 'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice
> young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the
> bathroom?'
>
> Michael said, 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'
> The teacher responded by saying, 'That would be rude and
> impolite.'
>
> 'What about you, Sherman, how would you say it?'
>
> Sherman said, 'I am sorry ,but I really need to go to
the bathroom. I'll be right back..'
> 'That's better, but it's still not very nice to
> say the word bathroom at the dinner table.'
>
> 'And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain
> for once and show us your good manners?'
>
> 'I would say, 'Darling, may I please be excused for
a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear
friend of mine, to whom I hope to introduce you to after
>dinner.''
>
> The teacher fainted.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
The Good Hearted Lawyer
One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate...
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."
"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.
Turningto the other poor man he stated, "You come with us, also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"
"Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind."
"Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it.“
"You’ll really love my place.
"The grass is almost a foot high.
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate...
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."
"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.
Turningto the other poor man he stated, "You come with us, also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"
"Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind."
"Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it.“
"You’ll really love my place.
"The grass is almost a foot high.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
The Pope and Nancy Pelosi
The Pope and Speaker Of The House Nancy Pelosi are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Madame Speaker and His Holiness, however, have seen it all before. To make it a little more interesting, Madame Speaker says to the Pope, "Did You know that with just one little wave of my hand I can make every Democrat in the crowd go wild?"
He doubts it, so she shows him. Sure enough, the wave elicits rapture and cheering from every democrat in the crowd.
Gradually,the cheering subsides.
The Pope, not wanting to be outdone by such a level of arrogance,considers what he could do..
"That was impressive, the Pope says, "But did you know that with just one little wave of MY hand I can make EVERY person in the crowd go crazy with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts, and they will forever speak of this day and rejoice."
The speaker seriously doubts this, and says so. "One little wave of your hand and all people will rejoice forever? Show me."
So the Pope slapped her.
The Madame Speaker and His Holiness, however, have seen it all before. To make it a little more interesting, Madame Speaker says to the Pope, "Did You know that with just one little wave of my hand I can make every Democrat in the crowd go wild?"
He doubts it, so she shows him. Sure enough, the wave elicits rapture and cheering from every democrat in the crowd.
Gradually,the cheering subsides.
The Pope, not wanting to be outdone by such a level of arrogance,considers what he could do..
"That was impressive, the Pope says, "But did you know that with just one little wave of MY hand I can make EVERY person in the crowd go crazy with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts, and they will forever speak of this day and rejoice."
The speaker seriously doubts this, and says so. "One little wave of your hand and all people will rejoice forever? Show me."
So the Pope slapped her.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Husband Down
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.
'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.
'Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife..
Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price..'
On the PA system:
"Cleanup on aisle 25, we have a husband down."
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.
'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.
'Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife..
Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price..'
On the PA system:
"Cleanup on aisle 25, we have a husband down."
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Parking Ticket
I went to the store the other day,
and I was in there for only
about five minutes, when I came out there was a motorcycle
cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said,
"Come on, buddy, how About giving a guy a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called
him a pencil-necked Nazi. He glared at me and started
writing another ticket for having worn tires! So I called
him a piece of horse poop.
He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield
with
the first.
Then he started writing a third ticket!
This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him,
the
more tickets he wrote.
I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner.
We hope you enjoyed this story as much as we did...
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Drinks and what they say about us...
Drinks That Reflect Personality
Before you order a drink in public, you should read this! Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could 'nail' a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results:
PART A: WOMEN - DRINKS, WHO THEY ARE, & YOU!
Drink: Beer
Personality: Causal, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.
Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabana boy.
Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky taste; knows EXACTLY what she wants.
Your Approach: You won't have to approach her. If she's interested, she'll send YOU a drink......
Drink: Wine (does not include White Zinfandel)
Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles.
Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with her and her friends.
Drink: White Zinfandel
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually, she has NO clue.
Your Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is..this should be an easy target.
Drink: Shots
Personality: Likes to hang with pals and looking to get totally drunk... and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed. Nothing to do but wait. But, be careful not to make her mad!
Drink: Tequila
No explanations required - everyone KNOWS what happens there.
PART B: MAN - DRINKS & WHO THE MEN ARE!
THEN, there is the MALE addendum -- The deal with guys is, as always, very simple and clear cut:
Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get laid.
Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.
Wine: He is hoping that the wine will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.
Whiskey: He doesn't give a damn about anything but getting laid.
Tequila: He's thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress.
White Zinfandel: He's gay
Before you order a drink in public, you should read this! Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could 'nail' a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results:
PART A: WOMEN - DRINKS, WHO THEY ARE, & YOU!
Drink: Beer
Personality: Causal, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.
Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabana boy.
Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky taste; knows EXACTLY what she wants.
Your Approach: You won't have to approach her. If she's interested, she'll send YOU a drink......
Drink: Wine (does not include White Zinfandel)
Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles.
Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with her and her friends.
Drink: White Zinfandel
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually, she has NO clue.
Your Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is..this should be an easy target.
Drink: Shots
Personality: Likes to hang with pals and looking to get totally drunk... and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed. Nothing to do but wait. But, be careful not to make her mad!
Drink: Tequila
No explanations required - everyone KNOWS what happens there.
PART B: MAN - DRINKS & WHO THE MEN ARE!
THEN, there is the MALE addendum -- The deal with guys is, as always, very simple and clear cut:
Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get laid.
Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.
Wine: He is hoping that the wine will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.
Whiskey: He doesn't give a damn about anything but getting laid.
Tequila: He's thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress.
White Zinfandel: He's gay
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