The Good Hearted Lawyer

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate...

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turningto the other poor man he stated, "You come with us, also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"

"Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind."

"Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it.“

"You’ll really love my place.

"The grass is almost a foot high.

The Pope and Nancy Pelosi

The Pope and Speaker Of The House Nancy Pelosi are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd.



 
The Madame Speaker and His Holiness, however, have seen it all before. To make it a little more interesting, Madame Speaker says to the Pope, "Did You know that with just one little wave of my hand I can make every Democrat in the crowd go wild?"
 
He doubts it, so she shows him. Sure enough, the wave elicits rapture and cheering from every democrat in the crowd.
 
Gradually,the cheering subsides. 
 
The Pope, not wanting to be outdone by such a level of arrogance,considers what he could do..
  
"That was impressive, the Pope says, "But did you know that with just one little wave of MY hand I can make EVERY person in the crowd go crazy with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts, and they will forever speak of this day and rejoice." 
 
The speaker seriously doubts this, and says so. "One little wave of your hand and all people will rejoice forever? Show me."
 
So the Pope slapped her.

Husband Down

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.  The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.

'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.

'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.

'Its my face cream.  It makes me look beautiful,'  replies the wife..

Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price..'

On the PA system: 
"Cleanup on aisle 25, we have a husband down."