Squirrel Problem

> Now I don't care who you are, this is funny!
>
>
> There were five houses of religion in a small Texas town:
>
> The Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Methodist Church , the
> Catholic Church,
>
>

> the Jewish Synagogue.
>
>
>
> Each church and Synagogue was overrun with pesky squirrels.
>
>
>
> One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do
> about the squirrels.. After much prayer and consideration they
> determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they
> shouldn't interfere with God's divine will..
>
>
> In The BAPTIST CHURCH the squirrels had taken up habitation in the
> baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the
> baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow
> and there were twice as ma
> ny there the next week
>
> The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a
> position to harm any of God's creation . So, they humanely trapped the
> Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days
> later, the squirrels were back.
>
>
>
> But -- The Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective
> solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members
> of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas , Ash Wednesday,
> Palm Sunday and Easter.
>
>
>
>
>
> Not much was heard about the Jewish Synagogue, but they took one
> squirrel and had a short service with him called circumcision and they
> haven't seen a squirrel on the property since.
>

A Satisfied Tax Payer

Dear Internal Revenue Service:

On this April 15th tax return due date you will find enclosed my
2008 tax return showing that I owe $3,407.00 in taxes.

Please note the attached article from the USA Today newspaper,
dated 12 November, wherein you will see the Pentagon (Department
of Defense) is paying $171.50 per hammer and NASA has paid
$600.00 per toilet seat.

I am enclosing four (4) toilet seats (valued @ $2,400) and
six (6) hammers (valued @ $1,029), which I secured at Home Depot,
bringing my total remittance to $3,429.00. Please apply the
overpayment of $22.00 to the "Presidential Election Fund," as
noted on my return.

You can do this inexpensively by sending them one (1) 1.5 inch
Phillips Head screw (see aforementioned article from USA Today
newspaper detailing how H.U.D. pays $22.00 each for 1.5 inch
Phillips Head Screws). One screw is enclosed for your
convenience.

To recap my enclosures:
Four toilet seats
Six hammers
and
One screw

It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look
forward to paying it again next year.

Sincerely,
A Satisfied Taxpaye

Sick Leave

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave.

I thought that maybe if I acted "Crazy" then he would tell me to take a few days off.

So, I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.

My co-worker (who is blonde) asked me what I was doing.

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss might think I was "Crazy" and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, "What in the name of good GOD are you doing?"

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, "You are clearly stressed out." Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."

I jumped down and walked out of the office...

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, "..And where do you think you're going?!"

(You're gonna love this....)





        


 
She said, "I'm going home too. I can't work in the dark