Two Women talking in Heaven

1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.
2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd
you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I
quit shaking from the 
cold,
I began to get warm & sleepy, and
finally died a peaceful 
death.
What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart
attack. I suspected 
that my
husband was cheating, so I came home early to
catch him 
in the
act But instead, I found him all by himself
in the den
watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another
woman 
there somewhere that I started running all
over the 
house looking.

I ran up into the attic and searched, and
down into the 
basement.
Then I went through every closet and checked
under all 
the beds.

I kept this up until I had looked everywhere,
and finally
I became
so exhausted that I just keeled over with a
heart attack 
and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in
the freezer---
we'd both
still be alive.

PRICELESS!

Bubba

Bubba Had Shingles Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office
should appreciate this!  Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are
running their practices like an assembly line?  Here's what happened to
Bubba:



Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he
had.  Bubba said: 'Shingles.'  So she wrote down his name, address, medical
insurance number and told him to have a seat.



Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had.
Bubba said, 'Shingles.'  So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete
medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.



A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said,
'Shingles.'  So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an
electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for
the doctor.



An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the
nude and asked Bubba what he had.  Bubba said, 'Shingles.'  The doctor
asked, 'Where?'
Bubba said, 'Outside on the truck.  Where do you want me to unload 'em??'

Only in Texas

  
      

  
Only in  Texas my friends... Only in  Texas ..... Too bad...... 

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy.   He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from  San Francisco  and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from  Houston ,  Texas .  He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the  Texas deputy's expense. 

The deputy says,' License and registration, please.' 

'What for?' says the lawyer. 

The deputy says, 'You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign.' 

Then the lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was coming.' 

'You still didn't come to a complete stop, Say's the deputy. License and registration, please.' 

The lawyer says, 'What's the difference?' 

'The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that's the law  License and registration, please!' the Deputy says. 

Lawyer says, 'If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.' 

'That sounds fair.  Please exit your vehicle, sir,' the deputy says. 

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the daylights out of the lawyer and says, 'Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?'